The lost pleasures of gajar ka halwa and the almighty parathas.

God was a bit unfair to me, and instead of making me an ever-enviable size zero chick, bestowed me with..a not such an enviable size. Ever saw an uber skinny chick gobbling down a dozen desi-ghee ke parathay, and still not gaining an inch? Or, ever noticed a size zero hottie with her perfect ass, and then recalling the proportions of your ass and feeling all gloomy and unattractive? If yes, then HIGH FIVE! Welcome to my world. -_-

Is it just not unfair that some of us are just curvy with a broad structure? I mean, at dinners when there’s awesomely-deliciously-yummy “fatty” food on the table i.e: garam gulab jaamuns, gajar ka halwa, aaloo walay parathay in desi ghee, lasagne oozing with cheese, layered pizzas , and the likes of such food, don’t you, *points towards a gathering of curvy women*, want to just grab and gobble it down without feeling the guilt pangs?  Sigh. And, on the the other extreme, there are people who just keep eating, and eating, and eating, so much so, that I am sure that their diet for a day can feed a family in Somalia, and still not gain even an inch, and THAT TOO WITHOUT EXERCISE! Pfft. Why god, why? Sniff.

Why is it that every store has clothings to fit a size zero chick, but not enough figure flattering clothes for curvy women? Yeh kahaan ka insaaf hai? So unfair! Also, ever noticed that all the mannequins are super skinny women with perfect proportions? Discrimination, no?

So, while those lucky chicks chug down strawberry milkshakes, and that awesome Hardee’s ka chocolate milkshake in this scorching heat, I shall finish my 4th cup of green tea for the day. Yay me! *HIGH FIVE? No? 😦

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Why I think Google is managed by men.


Notice the first three search options. Makes us ladies want to shake our heads in amusement, no?
The third search option grabbed the author’s attention, and out of sheer curiosity the author decided to search on this widely-known phenomena. And ha! She got her answer. Well, maybe. Here is what she found in one of the websites shown as a search result: “We know we love breasts. We know some of the more fundamental reasons why we love breasts. But when it comes right down to it, we really like breasts for the same reason we like lava-lamps: The jiggling is fun to watch.”

At a loss of words. Really.

Sex education: Do we really need it?

I live in a society where anything associated with s-e-x is still considered a taboo. It is true, that Lahore is home to a soft-porn industry. It is also true, that boys will be boys, and like teenage boys anywhere in the world, will continue their quest for online pornographic videos, or images, and hide copies of “Playboy” under their beds. Pakistani teenage girls like girls anywhere in the world, will continue discussing sex, as  a topic, and their sexual fantasies with celebrities, or their crushes with their girlfriends. Young adults will crack sex-related jokes at a party, or over coffee. Yet, despite of all that, sex is still a topic which can not escape raised-eyebrows in the Islamic Republic of Pakistan.
It is primarily due to sex being a hushed topic, that sex education is a total no-no in our part of the world. Even basic biological concepts like Reproduction in our Science textbooks raise quite a few controversies. I remember, our Science textbook in Grade 8 had diagrams of reproductive organs, and detailed paragraphs on the reproduction cycle. The school administration took all of our books and stapled together some of the pages. No points for guessing “why”. But, was it effective? Ofcourse, not! It is really absurd, that our society continues to believe that 13 year-olds still think that storks carried them in blue and pink blankets, according to their genders. And that was a good seven years back! Fast forward to today, and nothing has really changed, except that now even 9-10 year olds know that the stork-brings-the-baby-myth is nothing but bullshit.

The controversy, as to whether sex education should be imparted, and implemented in our curriculum creates a wide gulf in our society. The conservatives use narrow and orthodox interpretations of Islamic teachings to support their arguments, and label the liberals as a product of “enlightened moderation”. Whereas, the liberals argue that their stance supports the struggle towards a progressive society, because this is not the age where we can stay shut about something as important as sex education. And, by sex education, I certainly do NOT mean to encourage sexual activities between teenagers. Unlike what the masses like to believe, sex education doesn’t mean to encourage teenagers to have sex, or how to have sex, or how to make their crushes horny, or the best position to have sex! On the other hand, the main objectives underlying the concept of sex education is how to have safe protected sex, and how to say “NO” , if somebody misuses your body for sexual pleasures.
Our society is such, where the best attempt to teach the masses about contraceptives comes in a form of a 5-7 minutes long advertisement, which looks more like a Bollywood song than a condom advertisement, and educates absolutely NOTHING about exactly what is a condom, and how is to be used, but hey, it has a catchy jingle! Also, this is the same society where teenage girls are given “get a used condom” on their scavenger hunt lists, but can’t talk about contraceptives and pills, because ssshhhh, it’s the Islamic Republic of Pakistan! Also, if you are amongst the segment of our society which likes to think that teenage pregnancies can’t ever happen in our part of the world, then surprise surprise, you’re wrong again! Though a lot less than what is happening in the West, cases of teenage pregnancies do take place here, as well. That can be as a product of forced-sex, i.e. rape, or even consensual sex amongst teenagers, or young adults outside the perimeters of marriage. Sex education can be used as a tool to preempt teenage pregnancies, and teach 13-14 year olds about abstinence, as well as contraceptives and, to control the spread of STDs and HIV/AIDS, which again are nothing alien to our “Land of the Pure”.
Similarly, sexual abuse, and sex crimes are also issues that our society likes to think are alien to them. Guess what? It’s high time we open our eyes, and actually accept the morbid realities of the society we’re going to raise our generations in. I , myself, was surprised to find that 3-4 of my friends were sexually abused as kids. And, the statistics are of those people who openly talk about it . Many people don’t admit being sexually abused because they fear being judged by the society, and looked down upon by their peers. The sad truth is that their abusers/molesters were people close to them, i.e.: relatives, servants, qari sahibs, and drivers. Being sexually abused as kids, not only scar innocent childhoods, but also leaves loopholes in the development of their personalities as adults. Hence, it is extremely important to teach children how to prevent themselves and say “NO” to someone who abuses their body. Awareness amongst adults also needs to be instilled, since in most cases adults dismiss a child’s claim as absurd, or made-up. This doesn’t help to put an affirmative end to the abuse by the molester.

It is also unfair to continue blaming only our society for not imparting sex education, since even in countries like Australia, there have been attempts made by parents to stripe off sex education from the curriculum, though the courts decided against the parents. Also, some UNICEF made documentaries on sexual education for children, have been heavily criticized by the Western critics, as well. The two documentaries “Blue Pidgeon”, and “Music for Two” were documentaries made on graphically depicting intercourse between children, and the fantasies of a young girl who imagines herself in a marriage with a neighbour, respectively. The critics should realize that the increased sexual feelings in a child who hits puberty is completely natural, and if not for sex education, he/she won’t have anyone to discuss it with, and they might outcast themselves as feeling something which is “abnormal”, and in the process, try to isolate themselves from other kids their age. Some sort of authorized medium needs to be present to make them realize that what they are undergoing is completely normal, and natural.
It’s high time that we accept that sex education is something which is much needed in this age. We should encourage schools to implement sex education in their curriculum, and parents should be supportive enough to let their kid be taught about this tricky subject at school. Unlike the shunning of the administration in the Dawood Public School-Karachi case, where the parents and media raised an outcry over sex education being taught to girls, parents should be mature and sensible enough to know that this is something that their kid will find out eventually, and it’s much better if they find it out through some authorized mode. Also, parents need to stop shying away from matters like these. Finding excuses like “we’ll teach our kid whatever he/she needs to know about sex” is utter crap. Because , I don’t remember being taught about sex by my mother, and I am sure that same is the case with most of you, though there are exceptions everywhere. Anyhow, to conclude this , I think that sex education should be made a part of education for 12-13 year olds, whether the school is uni-sex, or a co-ed. Because, we’ve the responsibility of raising a generation, who knows a lot more than what we would like to think, and guidance and instruction is only going to benefit them.

Raise your hand, if you’re a Manchester United fan!

Finally, god decided to shower some happiness upon my poor, unhappy, currently-extremely-emo soul. Manchester United kicked Arse-anal’s ass. That too, 3-1 at Emirates! Woohoo! Also, Rooney scored his 100th Premier League goal. That’s what I call AWESOMENESS! *insert chicken dance.

P.S: I miss Ronaldo wearing a Manchester United kit. 😦
P.P.S: Another search that directed some (unfortunate) person on my blog is: Sylar Kissing. Sorry, for not uploading any Sylar related porn on my blog.-_-

If you’re happy, and you know it, clap your hands..

..but oh wait, I am NOT happy.
Life is stagnant; no drama, nothing that I’d want to tell my grand-children years down the lane. The past few days felt like as if the air around me was drenched with depression inducing sedatives. Something that made your mind numb, and makes your body physically lethargic. I have been guilty of being too much of a couch potato for the past few days, and that’s certainly not what I would have wanted for myself. I wanted to be active, and happy, and on a cheering spree. But oh well, shit happens. A lot these days, sadly. These days little things make me sad, or irritated, or mark the come-back of my-not-so-good-Godzillaish-temper. Everything’s going haywire, and not as they were meant to be. Know the feeling when you’re about to put the last few pieces of the jigsaw puzzle together, before an annoying cousin, or a sibling walks all over it? Or, when you feel like you’re gaining weight for no apparent reason, and your body looks all disproportionate? Or, when the tailor screws up your perfect outfit? Or, when you don’t know why the fuck somebody scored more than you in an assignment, for which you worked your ass off? Or, when you keep getting do-this-and-do-that lectures from authorities? Or, when you forget the car-key inside a locked car? On another thought, the car-key forgetting incident wasn’t THAT bad. It was fun in a weird way, actually. Anyway, I am HATING these days. Argh. I need some action in life, some drama, some fun, some craziness. I wish I could hibernate, and wake-up when this series of uneventful days end.  Monotony is making me go ape-shit. Pfft.

Is it the weather?

P.S: And no, I am not PMS-ing, either. -_-
P.P.S: Also, somebody came across my blog, while googling: Can sushi give you a toothache? Interesting. I need to research on it.

Ten ways to get over an Ass-hole.

So, after you’re done with your crying marathon, and emptying boxes of Rose Petal, resort to these, and I bet my left kidney that these ten ways won’t fail you. Seriously.

1. Eat Sushi, if you haven’t already tried it before. Also, make a friend taste it with you; later you can watch her puke, and take pictures while she’s choking on Sushi. (True story:D)

2. Go to Joyland, and sit on “Top-Spin”. Catharsis of sorts.
Note: Ladies, don’t wear pants, or shalwars if your legs aren’t waxed. Naat ayee good sight.

3. Bunk class, and go to Hyper-star, then take random pictures there. Don’t delete the pictures, even if the store management repeatedly asks you to do so. Also, shop- lifting Mini Mars bars anyone?

4. Try food you have never tasted before. The author FINALLY had soup. It wasn’t that bad, but she still can’t get over how soup slides down the throat. *shudders.

5. Go outside the hot/sexy teacher’s house, and take pictures of yourself. Wait, until the guard comes, and then drive away. Guaranteed Adrenaline rush.

6. Shop. Shop. Shop. Retail therapy FTW!

7. You-tube cheesy Indian songs. Learn the lyrics, and the moves. “The Classique Govinda- Pelvic-thrust” is a must.

8. Call up random numbers, and make weird sex, and kissing sounds. Do this at your own risk. The author was told that sucking on her hand would make  kick-ass kissing sounds. It worked.

9. Read everything: random Facebook profiles, news-papers, http://www.menshealth.com, novels, anything and everything.

10. Lastly, make a make-out video of yourself, with “Dunchya wish your girlfriend was hot like me?” playing at the back, and email it to the ass-hole. Okay, that was a joke, don’t do it. OR, whyyyyyyy not give it a tryyyyyy? *insert mischevious smile. 😀

The odd Pearl.

She sat there motionless, with her knees touching her chin, and her arms wrapped around tightly. Wind billowing her long, black hair . She could taste the salt of the ocean on her lips. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, letting every muscle in her body to fully take in the pain burried deep inside her heart. She had to let it out. She. Had. To.
She opened her eyes. Her dark brown pupils dilating to see clearer in the blackness of the hour. The midnight moon shone above the ocean. The sound of the waves was over-powering. She sat, and looked, and pondered, and wondered. Her mind was shrouded with questions; a cobweb of complexities.
She drew a circle in the wet sand. The circle of life; the circle of all the complexities and frailty her life was. She pour her heart , and soul on the wet sand. Literally. Etched out all her questions on the sand, the questions which were once etched in her heart.
Somebody narrated her tale to me, told me all what she wrote on the sand. I remember a few, and I would like to share them with you.

How bad is hell? Is hell worse than the mental torture, and pain we go thorughout our lives? Are all our sacrifices really worth it? Is it just a myth, or do hell, and heaven really exist? Do we really please god by displeasing ourselves- his creation? Why do we fear god? Is he really that scary? Can we live our lives without any regrets? How do we distinguish between right and wrong? Is it possible to live our life, without displeasing god? Love over religion/morals, or vice versa? Is love sacred? Or, is it a sin? Can you love more than one person at a time? What does it mean to attain perfection? Is time really a healer? What is love? What is sin? What is life?

Sadly, I have answer to none. Do you?